This morning I was determined to do the laundry before work. Yep. Set my alarm for 5:30 and when it went off, Andrew rolled over and looked at me funny, as in like, ‘I must be in the twilight zone, why on earth is Jenny waking up at 5:30?’ Haha. Insert monkey with her hands over her eyes emoji. Oh, how I wish I was that girl who popped out of bed everyday at 5:30 and this wasn’t peculiar. Hey though, I’ve gotten better (read: three ways I’ve found make me have way better mornings).
So anyway, my laundry is in the dryer currently, I am going to be running to work because it finishes the minute I should be getting on the bus, but here I am, decaf hazelnut coffee beside me (you all know I can’t handle caffeine). And ready to write about something I realized about myself this week.
It’s about how I feel like my mind’s initial reaction is to always find something to worry about. I thought I’d share because perhaps the feeling will resonate and we can empathize with one another, decide we need to improve and put our hands in the middle, say ‘go team’ and do it.
So to give you some background, as a bit of a personal update, I was got a new job on Friday that I’ve been interviewing for for weeks. This post isn’t about that/I’ll share more about that soon, but needless to say, the interview process was really intense (also why I’ve been posting less often recently, so now you know). It’s for a position I’m really excited about and know is a really great opportunity.
There goes my mind again, right when my initial reaction should have been celebrating a new chapter and getting the job, doing what I feel like it always tries to do: find something to worry about.
Thus, I quickly worried about telling my bosses and CEO (who were incredible about it, although very sad, and only made me love my company more…Henson Consulting, you will always have the most special place in my heart).
Then after I told them plus all my coworkers who I will miss something SERIOUS (even though I’ll still be right around the corner working in West Loop!), and after all that couldn’t have gone better despite being so bittersweet, then my mind decides it should worry about preparing for this next job. It’s a totally different role in a totally different industry and the people seem intimidatingly smart. Am I going to completely flounder amongst these Ivy Leaguers? Oh shoot, I am, aren’t I. Cue that subtle twinge of feeling unsettled – you know the one, I know you do.
So THEN, after that’s been on my mind, this morning, I get the sweetest email from my mom saying she couldn’t bring herself to go to bed at a decent time last night because she was too caught up in reading my blog.
So what do I do? Feel grateful I have such a supportive and sweet momma? Girl, you know that is sure not what I did.
Nope…I worry that in this next job, I’m going to have zero time for this blog at all, much like it’s felt over the past month as I had been preparing to get the job in the first place. (Also because I have to admit, in classic Jenny style, this job will admittedly probably be even more intense than the one I currently have, which is already well beyond 9-5. Go figure. Haha.)
So all this is to say, I’m a worrier. A real, bonafide, I-have-a-problem worrier. I used to nag at my mom because she was always worrying about us kids, and now I’m pretty sure that’s come back to bite me tenfold. Grreat.
But I wrote this Instagram post the other day about how I passed one of those “God’s Little Instruction Books” while in South Carolina with my family and opened it to a page that read:
Life is not a problem to solve, but a gift to receive.
I don’t know about you, but I act like it’s a problem to solve a whole lot. I worry about deadlines, stress about what’s to come, and set out to “solve” much too often.
Even rushing through our days to hit deadlines at work or hurriedly drinking our coffee on the train to wake up or running errands like we’re on a mission (because it certainly feels that way) or spending our waking hours fretting over what’s ahead – these are all proof points that we’re treating life like a problem to solve and not a gift to receive. I bet when we’re on our deathbeds, we’ll wish we’d stressed less and taken life a bit slower.
So since today is a Friday and the next two, Saturday and Sunday – all very solid days of the week, I must say – I hope we’ll practice this approach. And then come Monday, we’ll be just a little more prepared to continue purposely taking a breather and enjoying life amidst all its stresses, big or small. Think right now about what you’ve been worrying about, about what’s been bothering you. I know there’s something, or more likely, many things. And now, realize it’s all going to be ok. Life is a gift; it’s not a problem and your purpose here isn’t to solve solve solve.
Worry is a rocking chair: it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere.
We’ve no place for rocking chairs in our lives,